So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
