you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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