I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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