if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
