You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
