A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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