last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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