So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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