Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
