what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
