another moral hangover. fuck.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
