Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
