I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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