I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
