I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
