Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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