Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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