My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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