apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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