dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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