Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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