so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
