He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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