so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
