i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
