He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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