Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
