it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
