Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
