____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
another moral hangover. fuck.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
