if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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