I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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