I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
