I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
