So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
