I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
