A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
