If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
