did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
