why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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