I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
