my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
