pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
