Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
