I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
