I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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