So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
