By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
