Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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