what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
