This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
