ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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